Life of a Lagosian 9.0

Ehn ehn.. I’m back and truth be told, just remembering my experience in that hellish hospital just makes me want to rant like Lasisi Elenu. Honestly speaking, the experience makes me even angry even at this moment. OK.. Here’s what happened.
When the Doctor told me I needed to run some tests, I left his consulting room with a medical note containing all the test I needed to run, went back to the reception and I met only haughty Nurse 1.

In the best CiCi’s sophisticated voice, I addressed her “Sorry to disturb you, where’s the laboratory section?”
The Haughty nurse didn’t even seem impressed with my voice because she didn’t even deem it fit to look up when she answered. With her head stuck in a magazine before her, she said “underground” and pointed her hands in a direction. I followed her hands with my gaze but there was nothing to see. I stood there like a dimwit for some minutes before I noticed a kinda map ahead I moved towards the map and got my directions from it.

I should have known I was in for it the instance they told me the laboratory is in the basement. Like, for real, who in their right mind puts the laboratory of all departments in the basement? The last time I checked, only things that should be hidden stays in the basement. Thinking about it now, the only time I’ve seen laboratory in the basement is in Sci-fi movies; where grumpy scientist are trying to create a terror for the world.
Pardon, I digress a lot when I’m angry. Well, back to the point, I got to the basement, and believe me when I say this; This basement is really an alien zone. If I met quite a few people in the main hospital building, I saw twice that number here in the basement. The first thought that ran through my mind was; Is this some secret ops or something and inwardly, I started chanting all the psalms and prayers I could remember.
One of the technician noticed I was standing aloof and beckoned to me, I moved towards her, and gave her the medical note. She told me to have a seat while she went to get someone to attend to me.

Some couple of minutes later, she appeared with another technician that looked like Adam Baylin from Kyle XY. Considering that Adam Baylin knew his trade, I made the mistake of thinking that this technician did too.
Oga Adam Baylin, with one kain weird smile comot needle, tie tourniquet for my hand. Sharpaly, I don close my eyes, make im shook wetin e won shook. I no know say I be joker, cuz Broda Technician shook Needle but e no gree see blood comot. E con dey shook, reshook. Mr man begin dey prick me again and again, My eyes don red wella, as e won do am d fifth time, na so I shout;

“Oga wetin, dem talk say make you give me incisions for hand?
My shout got the attention of the woman I met first and she took over. With one trial, the woman was able to draw the blood that Mr technician couldn’t draw. I looked up to give him my specialised evil eye, only to discover he still had that sheepish smile on his face. My palms itched to slap him but i controlled myself.
In like 20 minutes, test results were out and headed back upstairs to the doctor, I gave him the result while I sat down waiting patiently to get a diagnosis and a prescription to get rid of whatever was wrong, but lo and behold, Mr Doctor dropped a bombshell

“Young lady, (I rolled my eyes when he said that too) I’m really sorry I didn’t think about this before , but you will need to go back to the laboratory they need to get blood samples to run a Widal….. “
The moment I heard blood, I sprang out of the chair and I was out of his office before h3 finished saying widal agglutination test. I was sure everyone who saw me as I ran out of his office back to the reception, straight out of the hospital, would be wondering what in heaven’s name was after me, but I didn’t care. The only thing that was on my mind was getting as far away from the hospital as possible. Woe betide me if I let them turn me into a lab dog!

You know the funny thing? The cold disappeared immediately after this somewhat wonderful experience and in lieu of cold, I woke up to a swollen hand the next morning
Phew! That was the terrible experience I had on my first visit to a private medical facility in Lagos. As much as I hate to admit it, public health institutions might be below standard, but there are quite a lot of private medical facilities who will give government owned hospital a run for their money when it comes to being tacky and unprofessional. All in all, when you are in Lagos, behave like a Lagosian and this implies that don’t just walk into any hospital, try to make enquiries about the standard of their service before you walk in. Biko 🙏🙏🙏🙏

Still your nerdy girl
CiCi.

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